Who is Chet DeRouen?
I’m a simple Cajun Coonass from the swamps of Southwest Louisiana in the small town of Baldwin inside St. Mary Parish on the banks of the Bayou Tech, the swamps, and the beautiful Gulf of Mexico. Geaux Saints!!! …and that is all I know about football right there.
After a one year stint at a now defunct Christian college in Baton Rouge, I attended college in the beautiful Ozark Mountains at a small private Bible College in Springfield, Missouri.
I came to live in a small suburb just east of Phoenix, Arizona where I traded 90 degree temperatures with 100% humidity, copper head snakes, roaches, red ants, lightening bugs and lots of sea food for 100 degree temperatures with very little humidity, rattle snakes, scorpions, fire ants, black widows and lots of Mexican food and a nice cool swimming pool.
I am not the shy quiet type at all. I am usually told that I talk too much and share too many details. Really? I love to tell stories and I have hundreds to tell. I have an analogy for EVERYTHING as well. Just ask my kids.
I’m very naive and barely street smart. I take people at their word and rarely question good solid fact. Some would say its a character flaw. I’m OK with flaws. I love people in general and feel completely out of control when someone is not happy with me or attempts to question my character.
I’m a people-pleaser and can calm most any storm very diplomatically I might add. I am creative and talented in the area of Do It Yourself projects and interior design and landscaping. I can sew, upholster, build and all sorts of other fun stuff.
I love senior citizens and recently discovered that I love writing as well. I love my former wife/best friend and my two girls to infinity and beyond.
I’m a former licensed clergyman who studied the Bible and counseling in college. While I am redefining my faith, and making some spiritual and religious course corrections, I am working everyday to follow Christ.
My two favorite ministers are Craig Groeschell and Joyce Meyer. I love the words of Maya Angelou and Mother Therese respectively. Ok…I admit it. I’m a sucker for some Michael Jackson music too. 80’s RULE baby.
This is my journey… Welcome to it.
Chet DeRouen
Why Am I Gay? 
Mark
November 13, 2012 at 11:28 AM
Chet, We will always love you, but as you know along with everyone else we just can’t accept your new life style. It is 100% against the teachings of God. I can rattle off scripture to you but that’s no way to handle it, but then again what else do you fight evil with. The “WORD”!! We just can’t imagine you went to Bible College, become a licensed minister and do this. I know what the bible says. And you are living a sinful life plain and simple. Show me where it says you can live the life style you are living and be right. God did not make Adam & Steve or Eve & Geneveve. Man & Woman. Period!
Uncle Mark
Why Am I Gay?
November 13, 2012 at 1:48 PM
Uncle Mark,
I appreciate your candor. I disagree, but I appreciate it allthesame. I too used to feel and believe just the way that you do. I was taught to “believe with ignorance.” Meaning to just believe what people told me and to never question… even if it didn’t feel right in my soul. The more I grew the more I learned that I must teach myself and not just listen to what “people” told me to believe.
By your note, it leads me to believe that you have no idea what the Bible actually says about my “lifestyle.” I’m sure you could probably locate a scripture or two and use it as a sword to hurt others, but do you know the ORIGINAL interpretation from the greek or hebrew? I’m pretty confident that you do not. That is what I call “belief with ignorance.” You believe in a literal interpretaion of the scriptures. I do not supscribe to that form of legalism and small-mind thought. If you choose to interpret one scripture literally, then you MUST interpret the entire Bible literally. In that case, you must sell EVERYTHING that you have and give it to the poor. Your wife must never cut her hair and you must stop eating seafood immediately.
I also question your use of the word “we.” You used it multiple times. I don’t use words like we or they. Unless you name names, I just assume that it is actuall YOU who is the “WE.” I choose to be honest and say names when appropriate. I would question your use of “we” as I have spoken directly with several of my cousins who fully support me and my “lifestyle” as you choose to call it. If I choose to be gay, the when did you choose to be heterosexual? When did you choose the color of your eyes, hair or your height? It’s not a choice. If it were a choice, then you could UNDO it. I have spent 42 1/2 years trying to UNDO what God did. God did’t MAKE me gay. He ALLOWED me to be gay. To share His love with others who are gay and feel abandoned by God? I don’t know for sure, but I do know that I have spoken with MANY Christian men who now know that God loves them just the way they are.
I ask a simple question. Would you rather that I shot myself in the head and be dead or live the life that God has chosen for me and be alive? You have not walked one day in my shoes. You have no idea the pain, shame, fear and suicidal thoughts that have been upon me for years. For once in my life, I AM FREE. I am free to love God and others. You simply cannot question or judge another person’s faith in God. To do so would put you in a place of judgement. We are NOT judges.
I love God more than I ever have in my life. I love you too just as you love me. Don’t be sad for me. Don’t pray for me to get “better.” I’m not sick. If you must pray, pray for the hundreds of families that have been destroyed by the church with their legalistic view of God and the scripture. That my friend is contrary to the Bible. God came to heal and help, not to shame and judge them.
I challenge you to read my previous blog post entitled “a letter to louise” if you already haven’t. I didn’t write it. A Southern Baptist minister from Louisiana/Arkansas wrote it. I don’t ask you to change your opinion or belief system. I ask you to consider if your teaching just may be faulty? We (christians) were wrong about slavery, we were wrong about women serving in leadership… hmmmm… seems like we may just be wrong here too. Give it some thought. You will at some point have to face life with a gay person, It will likely be a grandchild or great grand child. It will happen. It will rock your world and your belief system just as it has mine.
I truly appreciate your post. I really do! Most people just treat me like I’m a crazy person who should be ignored. At least you had the balls to communicate to me.
With God’s love,
Chet
Why Am I Gay?
November 13, 2012 at 2:01 PM
Here is the short link to “a letter to louise”
I also wanted to take issue with calling me EVIL? I know you didn’t mean that right?
Horn, Mark
November 13, 2012 at 2:10 PM
Chet,
I guess so. Believe me when I say we love you. We never will stop. I guess truly we don’t fully understand your situation. It was just a shock that’s all. God says love one another as yourself so I have to do what he says. We’ll let him worry about the small stuff so to speak. I apologize for not speaking perfect English. Hey I’m just a coon *$%. We from da cuntry!! You are right. It’s not our place to judge others. It was good to hear from you. I wasn’t sure if “YOU” would respond to this blog. I never done anything like this before. We’ll holler at cha later!!!
Love Uncle Mark
Horn, Mark
November 13, 2012 at 2:11 PM
Not at all I know you not evil. I’ll just whip your butt! HAHA~~~
Why Am I Gay?
November 13, 2012 at 2:18 PM
Yes…this has challenged everything that I thought I believed. This has NOT NOT NOT been an easy road. This has been a life of pain and struggle. I am happy to dialogue about it with honest and integrity just as I have been doing on my blog.
…and your english is quite perfect! LOL
Its best if you read my blog from the first post in July to the current one. It will make a little more sense that way.
edward lynch
December 26, 2012 at 6:55 PM
God loves you for who you are…I am gay..and when people tell me it’s a sin,I remind them of what the Apostle Paul said…”all things are permissable to me,albeit not all are beneficial”….we are free in Christ…free from the Law of Moses..and Christians are not perfect,just forgiven..
Anthony
May 20, 2013 at 10:54 PM
I must say thank you for you being authentic and I pray that you have eternal peace and joy. I just so happened to come cross your blog looking up something on Iyanla Vanzant which happends to be my favorite motivational speakers minister and life coach aswell. Keep walking in truth my brother. So many people can relate to this. Big HUG your way!!!!
Why Am I Gay?
May 20, 2013 at 10:56 PM
Thank you Anthony. Blessings upon you.
Jenny
May 29, 2013 at 12:15 PM
Hi Chet, just found your blog today. One thing that God is teaching me is loving people where they are. Christ died for us while we were yet in sin – that’s LOVE. Yet He didn’t do that for us to stay there. I don’t look at sin as what people do – the sin happens before we do anything. “For we all have sinned, and come short of His Glory.” When we get out of the image of God, we come short of His Glory. Before we were created, we were imagined (image of God) and if while here I come away from what God (who is LOVE) imagined me as – there lies Sin. if I think myself anything less than what God imagined and created me to be – sin. Those deceptions – then usually lead to a physical manifestation of sin. Now I’m not saying that God imagined and created you gay and I’m definitely not saying that’s something you chose. My sister has same sex attractions, and I’ve been with her through the depression, the anger, the suicidal thoughts – so I understand that this isn’t something someone can simply make a choice to do.
It’s ok to say I Don’t know. “If you really want to know a meaning of a thing, stop giving it a meaning” Tune out everyone else’s opinions, doctrines, dogmas, issues. One side is saying ” You’re going to hell” the other side is saying “No we’re not, I was born this way” and it’s almost like you have to choose one, but neither side completes you. Neither side has your answer. Only your journey has your answer, your sound.
I will follow Christ and I will love you where you are, not because I accept it or want you to be “happy”, but because I trust that God has something better for you, for all of us. Now whether we choose God’s better or our better is a choice that we have to make.
I thank you for sharing your thoughts and journey. As Christians instead of thinking we have all the answers, we’d do better to simply listen and try to understand so that we can demonstrate compassion.
I do believe that when we truly put any situation or issue in God’s hands – He will blow our minds and do things in our lives that we would have never dreamed of.
I pray that we all learn to want what God wants.
“Have you not read, that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they two shall be one flesh? Therefore they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.” – Jesus
I pray that your former wife’s future husband is her former husband. God can heal and restore. Nothing is impossible.
Why Am I Gay?
May 29, 2013 at 1:20 PM
Hello Jenny. First question, do we know each other? Just wondering lol.
I take from your writing, that you believe in a literal translation of the Bible. I do not subscribe to a literal translation. For more reasons than one and after years of studying and earning my degree in biblical theology. I do not believe that the Bible is literal.
so while I respect your open approach and your commentary. Because we believe differently regarding the Bible I do not subscribe to your understanding.
if you will read the Bible as closely as many do not, you will find that there are many understated gay and lesbian relationship in the Bible. Google a letter to Louise when you get a moment it was written by a theologian and Baptist minister. It will blow your mind.
Ray
June 2, 2013 at 6:54 PM
Thanks for sharing! I have a similar story! The Lord said to me, “I love you for who you are not what you do!” Big eye opener!
Ian.
January 19, 2016 at 7:18 AM
Hi Chet. I found your Blog by accident, Google searched “Why am I Gay”. I know why, I was born this way, I’m completely convinced of that. But it doesn’t make it any easier sometimes. I have days that I would change it in a snap if I could, it would just be so much easier to live life as a straight man. I get so tired of coming out all the time. In fact I have on occasions, I’m ashamed to admit, placed myself right back into that closet and slammed the door shut. It rarely happens, but sometimes I’m just to lazy to go through the motions of explanation. Explaining how a gay man can have four adult sons, explaining I was once married, explaining how could I have married a women and then betrayed her (other people’s use of the word betrayed, not mine). I know I never betrayed anyone, but perhaps myself. I’m not ashamed to be Gay, I’m just tired of coming out.
I suppressed my sexuality to the degree that it almost killed me, just like so many other gay men in denial. I loved my x wife, I sincerely thought that I would spend the rest of my days with her. But as I grew older and society around me evolved in its treatment and acceptance of homosexuality my same sex attraction,that I had managed to suppress for 36 years began to surface. So I started to educate myself, I read books on men who had come out, I spoke with my wife about my feelings, to her great credit she supported me, and we remain good friends to this day. I’m not saying it was a walk in the park, it most definetly wasn’t. I became elated for awhile, almost like I was born again, only to come crashing down and end up in hospital after a suicide attempt.
It’s strange, I had never in my years of denial contemplated suicide, but after I came out to family and friends and was no longer living a lie I truly became elated, like I was on some high. I remember I wanted so strongly to shout from the rooftops to everybody “THIS IS ME AND I AM GAY”. But then the realisation set in, I had lost my wife, my family, my home. All on a realisation that I was same sex attracted, I’d never even slept with another man. I’d experimented when I was an early teen. But that had scared me, probably because it felt so right, but I’d been taught that it was so wrong. So I never allowed that to happen again, or for many many years to even think of it happening again.
So what am I trying to say here, I guess I’m trying to say, stay strong my friend, it’s a continuum this life we are leading.
Bye the way I am out to my work mates, family and the people that matter to me. I’m also trying my best to be out to the people who don’t matter to me, forgive me for sometimes not bothering. I know it’s wrong, I know it doesn’t promote acceptance. You know it’s easier if people were to ask you outright. “Are you Gay”? Then my answer would always be proudly “Yes”.
Anyway, what a ramble, all I really wanted to say is that your story resonated with me and I love your blog. Also I wish you all the happiness in the world.
Why Am I Gay?
January 19, 2016 at 7:52 AM
Thanks Ian. Let’s connect on Facebook??
Ian
January 19, 2016 at 8:30 AM
Chet. I’ve sent you a friend request via Facebook.
Why Am I Gay?
May 23, 2016 at 3:30 PM
Brian. That is very sad. You deserve to be happy. Your mother deserves to be happy, but not at your expense. You’d be surprised how parents come around when they see that their child is still the same person even though they have a same sex spouse. Sometimes they need and example. In my humble opinion, you owe her the example of a happy and healthy relationship with a spouse of your choice. You have one shot at this life. Only one. Don’t throw it away.
I for one have resolved that if there is a god that it is the evangelical church that has it all wrong. Not me.
I do not subscribe to religion, the bible or the god that evangelical Christians claim to be loving and kind.
Please reconsider your happiness. Please give yourself permission to love and be loved. You don’t have to share your personal life with your mother. You are not responsible for her happiness as she is not responsible for yours.
If you do subscribe to god, the know that it is God who created you to be happy.
Why Am I Gay?
May 23, 2016 at 3:33 PM
Please connect with Kathy Baldock at canyonwalker.com. No one has done more study on religion and and same sex relationships than her.
Mike Whalen
October 9, 2016 at 9:03 PM
ignorance fueled by personal aversion tangled in religious misinformation creates homophobic fools like me and I’m sorry. I love you and I’m so sorry for your suffering. Can you help me understand why God has allowed this great confusion? Why was the Bible unclear. Why are so many good people fooled? How can we help?
whyamigayblog
October 9, 2016 at 9:57 PM
Not sure Mike. Each day I’m less and less sure that there is a God and that the Bible is just another book and was never intended to be the Christian guide. I believe that people are not fooled. They simply want something to believe in.
You can help by treating people like you want to be treated.
Greg
July 18, 2019 at 6:59 PM
I like reading your blog….you are an awesome guy.
WhyAmIgay?
July 18, 2019 at 8:19 PM
Thanks.