This cannot be happening! What in the world? Are you serious right now? Damit!
The above phrases and so many more come to mind as what is my current state of mind since my last post.
As I’ve stated before. I began this blog to capture my journey of coming out of the closet at 42 1/2 years of age. This post is just that. A truthful, candid life event on my journey.
In my last post, I mentioned that had entered into domestic partnership with a great Christian man. We were to move in together and live as a unified couple, to experience all the good and not so good of this thing known as a relationship. Shortly after moving in together, I clearly recognized an issue that I chose to not accept and subject myself too. The specific details are irrelevant and I will not speak ill of him. I have my issues and he has his. We are equally at fault. That relationship has ended and is at this time is irreconcilable.
I had no idea that the hurt would be so painful and deep. I’m just a couple of pounds away from my goal weight. The break up diet is rough.
What made this life event more difficult is that my former wife and I have been sharing our family home with our daughters since I came out over three years ago. That is no longer our current living arrangement.
I moved out just a few doors down into an apartment that the girls can ride their bike to. This is the first time in my life that I have lived alone. That is just the beginning though.
This is also the first time that I have not had the presence of my daughters. It was odd not being able to tuck them in and kiss them goodnight. Thankfully my former wife allows me to stop by after they are asleep and give them kisses. It has been said to kiss your children every night even if they are asleep.
The emotion of dividing furniture and other Items was more than I imagined. My former wife has been so gracious and supportive of me. She is a true example of a Christian. Never have I experienced so much care and concern from another person.
I still check in on her via text and email. I even call just to hear her voice. I stop by to take out the trash too. It makes me feel needed.
The last couple of weeks have been tumultuous. The emotion, the hurt, the confusion. There were days that I was so disconnected from myself that I sincerely wasn’t sure if it was day or nigh or if I was coming or going
Here is something that I AM sure of. I have no regrets… NONE! I have not made a mistake regarding my now ended relationship. I was in the right relationship with the right man at the right time. I am a free willed man. I am free to choose and if I decide that I do not like my choice, then I am free to choose again and again. It’s called life.
The transition from my family Home with the girls has been drama free and the adjustment is going exceptionally well. The girls seem to like riding their bikes over to swim in dads heated pool.
The initial shock and awe of watching and assisting my partner pack and move out of our home and the relationship (that I was sure would lead to marriage) has begun to simmer down. I will always hold the memories of our relationship close to my heart. That man has a golden heart.
Thanks to my friends who walked with me though this time of transition. It is painful.
Now I wipe the tears dry and make my next choice in this journey of life.