Let me clarify.

06 Oct

I have not personally posted since June.  There is a good reason for that. I don’t really know what that reason is, but I I’m confident that its a good one.

At the time of this writing it is 1 AM and I will be boarding a plane to Maui in less than 8 hours. This means that I  must be ready to head to Sky Harbor International Airport by 5:45 AM. I am posting from smart phone so you will just have to tolerate my bad grammar and punctuation.

Why are you up at 1 AM?  I’m so glad you asked. There are several reasons.

The first is that I get very anxious before I travel. I love to travel, but it makes me anxious that I may forget something. Being A.D.D. just adds to my anxiety.

The second is that my adrenaline is so high right now. I was laying on the couch with my youngest daughter and was dozing off when I was awakened by a scorpion crawling on my bare naked leg. I flicked it off of me before it stung me and I couldn’t find it. I spent over an hour and tore the family room apart until I found that sukka and killed it.

So now that the Scorpion is dead and my daughter’s are safely tucked into bed, I have watched house wives of New Jersey and now I’m listening to Dr. Phil as I write this. I’m still wide awake.

There is likely a third reason that that I cannot sleep which is much deeper than I will likely go into now.

I am a bit sad and disappointed.  I have been trying to strengthen my relationship with someone.  Since accepting that I am a gay Christian almost two years ago our relationship has become vulnerable and fragile to say the least.

In my attempt to strengthen this relationship, I asked them to join me in reading a book that would give us both a new perspective on being gay and being Christian. Something I have struggled with my whole life.

Sadly they showed little interest in joining me in learning more about what the Bible has to say about being gay. The lack of interest and their disposition took me off guard and quite honestly hurt my spirit.

It shocked me that someone can take such a hard position on something and not consider ALL valid scriptural documentation that would strengthen a relationship. So I’m bummed and sincerely have no idea how to move forward.

So the title of my blog so far has had little to do my writing, so let me tie this up.

Some people take the position that my “gayness” is “tolerable” IF I remain in a heterosexual marriage, if I DON’T “practice” my “lifestyle” and if I Dont “act” gay in public. Really… Listen to that and tell me that it doesn’t sound ridiculous. Well it does to me.

So here Is my clarification just in case you or I may have missed something along the way.

I am attracted physically to men.
I am attracted sexually to men.
I date men.
I am NOT a heterosexual.

I am a gay man.
I was previously married to a woman.
I am a father of two daughters.
I am now divorced.

I am a gay man.
I am still someones son.
I am still a father to my daughters.
I am still GREAT friends with my former wife.

I am a gay man.
I am a Christian.
I will not go back into a closet.

So therefore, you may personally deny that I am gay and live a gay “lifestyle” but I no longer deny any of it.

The year is 2013 and there is so much credible BIBLICAL proof that being gay is not only normal, but affirmed by scripture. It is public information that a simple Google search will lead you to vieiws on both sides of the debate.

Ignoring the available information to protect your position and opinion will NOT go away.

Your mind is like a parachute… It works best when its open.


Posted by on October 6, 2013 in Journey to Authenticity


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3 responses to “Let me clarify.

  1. Kathy Verbiest Baldock

    October 6, 2013 at 2:35 AM

    Time — it will just take time. You be faithful to who you are and that is all you are responsible for. This person WILL look back and remember how you treated them when they were not gracious.

    I think you are wonderful, I love you, K

  2. Why Am I Gay?

    October 6, 2013 at 2:37 AM

    Thank you my sister. I LOVE you. Can’t wait for your book. What are you doing awake.

  3. Kathy Verbiest Baldock

    October 6, 2013 at 5:34 PM

    I had a long late call with Matthew Vines talking conf. stuff. And folded laundry and did dishes — otherwise– it does not get done.


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