Happy New Year!

15 May

Happy New Year?  What in the world?  I know right… “lemme ‘splain ya”

Happy New Year

This month marks one year that I made a conscious choice to make public that I am in fact a gay Christian.  For all of my life I have fought and battled with being gay.   I was baptized Catholic and converted to being Pentecostal around the age of 11. Speaking in tongues, lifting hands, casting out demons and spirits…  I was even told by many that being gay was a spirit of darkness sent by the devil himself.  You see… being gay was in no way, shape or form accepted, affirmed or tolerated in my world.  I believed that I had somehow failed my God and that I was being punished.  Punished from what?  Hell, I don’t know… That was part of my disconnect.  I could not for the life of me figure out what I had done so wrong that this God of the universe hated me so much that he would torment me with such guilt, shame, depression, constant thoughts of suicide and anger.

I did all that I knew to do to make the gay go away,  I tried to sleep it away, pray it away, become a minister it away, marry it away, have children it away…  you get the picture.  Amidst all my tryings and longing to be “set free” from this alleged sin, the desire grew stronger and stronger. “It” was not going away.

The rest of my story is told throughout this blog. Take some time to read previous blogs and please, please, please share it with others.  The good the bad and the ugly.  I’d like to report that “all is well” and that everything worked out OK.  While I will not discredit the good that has come from my journey, the not so good is ever-present.

Most of my former friends are no more they left the building.  I did not say all… I said most.  My immediate family which includes my two daughters and my former wife is being strengthened every day.  I am more connected to my daughters than I have ever dreamed of. They are both aware that their dad is gay and have not skipped a beat when it comes to love and affection. My former wife deserves a medal of honor for the way that she chose to navigate with me and my daughters even when she had a “right” to behave and act differently.  I know that when my day is bad… really bad, that somehow Christa will see the good in me and encourage me to keep going.  I pray often for her future husband and step-father to my daughters. She is the best friend that I never had.

The relationship with my siblings and parents…  this will get me into trouble… I have no relationship with my siblings and that causes my relationship with my parents to be awkward at best.  In full disclosure, some would claim that my broken relationship has nothing to do with me being gay, but there is no other source of the discord.  I confessed and owned in a previous blog, in person and in private letters that I was not always the best brother and son because I was hiding a big fat secret and I was so afraid that I would be found out.  A secret that was destroying me and those closest to me. I somehow wish there was something that I could do to magically make this situation better.  The truth be know, it will never be better as long as religion is a factor.  I did not say God…  I said religion… let me make that clearer… this will not get better as long as a denomination is involved.  God is God…  Denominations are divisive. I never realized how judgemental, unkind and ungodly I was until I left the god of the “church/denomination” and embraced the God of the universe,  God the creator, the God of Love and Peace.

So after one year of being “out,” I am at a place where I am ok being gay.  I am ok being a gay dad, a gay christian a gay brother, a gay son, a gay friend and any other gay that you can fill in the blank with.  I no longer believe that God hates me.  As a matter of fact, I believe that He loves me more today that I have accepted that it is HE who allowed me to be gay. God Loves Me While I no longer attend “church” I do not have ill feelings or thoughts against those who do.  I am not yet in a place where I can embrace how a person or christian may respond to me or my daughters if they found out that I was gay.  I’m just not ready to sit in the pew again and be told who God is and how I should worship Him.  These are things that we must seek God directly for.  Never again will you hear me say “the Bible says” until I am certain by my own research and seeking.

Since this is my blog and I can say whatever I want to, I will share this “revelation” of sorts that I shared with a great christian friend of mine.  If homosexuality was so forbidden, so sinful, so awful  so important, so conflicting, so ungodly… then why is it that JESUS HIMSELF never spoke a word about it?  Slow down and think about it.  Breath and ask questions… allow yourself to think and process…  He said not one word about it. Reading what Jesus Said He remained silent on the topic. Let me say that more clearly… He kept his mouth shut.  He spoke often about loving others, accepting others, he ate with sinners, loved the unlovable… but NEVER spoke a jot or tiddle about homosexuality.  Never did he “heal” someone from this  awful “disease.”  Then why do his followers choose this mountain to stand on and scream “but the Bible Says….”  Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, give resources to the poor, but not once did he say ‘Heal the homo’s” or “shun the sissies  or “lash out at the lesbo’s”  think about it.  He did not say for God so loved the Heterosexuals that He gave…  He said that God loved the WORLD… Humanity, Mankind.  

And if you don’t believe in God…   Then I respect and love you nonetheless.

Now go love your neighbor!



Posted by on May 15, 2013 in Journey to Authenticity


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6 responses to “Happy New Year!

  1. Janelle Norton

    May 30, 2013 at 8:50 PM

    Hi!!! I sent a message through star to get to you on fb….its another blog I know you will love If you don’t already follow! Glad to hear you are well and congrats on one year of your new beginings.

  2. Why Am I Gay?

    May 31, 2013 at 10:00 AM

    Thanks Janelle. I had to depart from FB. I don’t want to be angry with ignorant so if I can see it then I feel safer.
    I now understand why the gay community is as exclusive as the church.

  3. Janelle

    June 1, 2013 at 6:15 AM

    Go to single dad laughing, he has an amazing blog and is not a typical single dad. I am sure you will find that you will LOVE this blog, he has a few books out I have not read them but his articles are amazing and I think you will find that you can relate to him. and if anything he has so much funny stuff to say on days you feel sad or upset or angry you can’t help but start cracking up. His name is Dan Pearce. The article I first read was I am christian unless you are gay. A Beautifully written piece! Stay strong, stay positive!

  4. Robert Betts

    September 14, 2013 at 6:12 PM

    Chet, I am not the type of Christian to engage in name-calling. I will simply, and factually/biblically take issue with one of your claims about Jesus.

    You said, “If homosexuality was so forbidden, so sinful, so awful so important, so conflicting, so ungodly… then why is it that JESUS HIMSELF never spoke a word about it? Slow down and think about it. Breath and ask questions… allow yourself to think and process… He said not one word about it.”

    Incorrect. Just because he didn’t deal with homosexuality directly, he did address the subject of the marriage relationship. And, of course, the marriage relationship is where sex is supposed to happen.

    Jesus addressed the marriage relationship when he addressed the subject of divorce in Matthew 19…

    “3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” 4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

    So, let’s look at what the Creator said about the marriage relationship “in the beginning,” in Genesis 2…

    “18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

    So, did God make a man for Adam, to be his “suitable helper”? No. He made a woman. Did He suggest or hint at the possibility that a man could be a suitable helper for a man (or a woman for a woman)? No.

    Continuing in Gen. 2…

    “But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

    23 The man said,

    “This is now bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
    she shall be called ‘woman,’
    for she was taken out of man.”

    So, what was God’s design and purpose in creating a woman as a SUITABLE helper for the man? If the Creator had no problem with a man being a suitable helper for another man, or a woman for a woman, this would have been the perfect time to clear that matter up. But, instead, God took a rib from Adam’s side to deliberately, and with perfect forethought,make a female.

    Likewise (back to Matthew 19), if Jesus believed that a man could be a suitable helper for a man, UNLIKE what the Creator said “in the beginning” (remembering that Jesus was in the beginning, and all things were created by Him), then it would have been the perfect time for Jesus to renege on verses 4-6 and introduce His updated view of marriage being between a man and a man, or between a woman and a woman. But, He did not. He reaffirmed what was in the beginning.

    Clearly, in Jesus’ comments on divorce, he referred back to this beginning in Genesis 2, where a woman was made for Adam as his “suitable helper.” It’s about marriage between a man and a woman. And, that is where the sex is supposed to happen.

    You have tried to use the fact of no DIRECT reference to homosexuality as your “out.” But, Jesus was clear about God’s purpose and intent in marriage. It is only supposed to be between a man and a woman, in that committed relationship.

    Let’s be honest about God’s perfect intentions for the male and female sex organs. God did not create the rectum to receive the penis, but He created the vagina to perfectly receive the penis. The rectum was created for excreting the body’s waste. Likewise, He did not create the vagina for sex with another vagina. These are simple, biological and physiological facts of life, as God created the man and the woman to function as sexual partners..

    So, since Jesus clearly affirmed what a marriage IS, then homosexuality cannot be God’s will or intent for marriage.

  5. Why Am I Gay?

    September 14, 2013 at 8:39 PM

    You clearly do all or your “research” within the confines of validating your bigotry toward the gay community as a whole. You use of scripture was the same old tired references that the church has used for years. They are unconvincing, misinterpreted and taken out of the context.
    I recommend that you seek some new points of reference and go from there.
    Here is a good start. Bible Gender Sexuality by James Brownson.

    There is more truth available, but the church clearly doesn’t want to find it

  6. Why Am I Gay?

    September 14, 2013 at 8:42 PM

    And unless you have attempted to insert a penis into a rectum, please be silent on the issue. As I am not a medical doctor, the last I checked, the vagina excretes waste as does the penis. Your premise is irrational and faulty.


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