It’s been awhile since I’ve had a blog entry. Why is that, you ask? I’m so glad you did. Several reasons. I’ve been super busy loving life and enjoying this beautiful weather in Phoenix. Went on our annual cruise as family. Feeling so good that I’ve been doing some projects here and there. The final reason is one that I don’t like to mention, but since I’ve decided to be candid, I’ll say it. I’ve been a bit out of sorts lately and feeling somewhat angry and hurt. I don’t usually like to blog when I’m feeling out of sorts. I like to write about happy stuff.
With that said, I must begin by saying that I’m super sick of the condescending haters that are former friends and family who have “disappeared” and chosen not to be in our life, yet they “peek in” on our Facebook pages to “keep current” on the happenings in our life. I’ve allowed it to happen for awhile. No longer though. Two words… GO AWAY! You made your choice to sever ties now sever already. Stop pretending to be our friend only to gather more fodder for yourself. It’s so unbecoming. This has caused me to LOCK DOWN my Facebook account, delete people from my “friend” list and block several others. Some were so easy to delete and block, but others were quite difficult to be honest.
The person who wins the award for being the meanest to me is a lady that I have never met. She has been cold, heartless and rude. …and that is being kind. She is a subscriber to my blog and I am taking this time to call her out and kindly ask you to go away and mind your business. Yes I have blocked you on Facebook too. My former wife and children don’t need your bigoted information, suggestions or hateful words. ’nuff said.
So for those who want a real update, here it is directly from me. We are no longer married. We ARE best friends. We DO attend Church together as we are Christians who practice our faith in a loving, saving, holy God. We absolutely DID just vacation together with our children on a cruise ship in the southern Caribbean with our dear friends. We had a blast and intend to vacation together next year as a family. We DO still reside in our family home and will continue to do so. I am not in relationship with my parents and siblings but not for a lack of trying on my part. For proper disclosure, the relationship with my sisters was broken before I began living authentic as a gay man. I couldn’t contact my sisters if I wanted as the youngest has filed an order of protection against me after she posted nasty, false information (that she gathered from a former friend of the family) about us on her FB page. My children are happy, healthy and whole and my oldest has told me how proud she is of me and is so happy that we have decided to keep our family together. Finally… for all of you that are just dying to know, yes, I am in an exclusive relationship with an incredible man who has a 13 year old daughter.
While living life as a heterosexual man was enormously difficult for me, my former wife and children, I simply was not prepared for how difficult and emotional “coming out” would be. How could I be right? I’ve pretended to be “straight” for 42 1/2 years. I’ve never lived “gay.” I wasn’t prepared for the bigots and haters as well as the loving and kind. Both religious/Christian and non-religious/non-Christian, family and friends. Managing all the emotions has been completely overwhelming while at the same time it has been refreshing. With the holidays approaching and the recent birthdays of my two daughters, this has been a very difficult time. My girls look forward to having birthday dinner with their grandparents every year. Especially at age 7 and 10 they are able to express where they would like to eat.
While birthday dinners went on this year without a hitch, they both questioned why their grandparents were not there. That alone will break a father’s heart. But ONWARD we march. Life sucks from time to time and all I can do is assure them that NO MATTER what happens or whatever choice they make, their father AND mother will be there for them. We may disagree from time to time, but we will not abandon them. I also assure them that their grandparents love them but just don’t know how to express it right now. Hopefully there will come a time when that relationship can become manageable. I do find that when I am assuring my children about this, that I am actually attempting to assure myself.
Each year we have hosted a Christmas party at our home. It has become a fun time with family and friends. Typically by this time each year, several people have contacted us find out the date of the party. This year… no such inquiries. No worries. The party will go on! The guest list will be modified though.
It is crazy how people feel like they have to choose sides. How they have to have “standards” when it comes to them choosing and maintaining friends. When you choose friends that way, you better damn-near be perfect. I no longer need those people in my life. It’s exhausting.
So while some of you see this as airing my “dirty laundry,” I see this as cleansing my soul and replacing truth with untruth and gossip. I no longer have a reason to hide or be secretive. I have nothing to hide or anything to be shameful of.
I am sad that I have lost friends and family. I am hurt that some see my authenticity as sinful, ungodly or shameful. I am wounded that people only wish to associate with me as long as I fit into their long list of guidelines of what normal and right is in THEIR mind.
I am happy and joyful that I have a best friend, children, friends and a boyfriend that stand with me in support, love, grace and mercy even when I am not perfect.
While I know the boyfriend part is difficult for some of you to accept or fathom, I accept that we are all growing and learning together in this wonderful event that we call life.