3. Psychology .
a. approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment.
b. free from any mental disorder; sane.
Ok, now that we have established some definitions. Let this naive, barely street-smart cajun tell you a question… that’s right. I’m gonna tell ya a question. …and I talk real fasss so ya bettah lissen fasss.
Since we have made the difficult choice to be unmarried due to my “situation” we have received solicited and some not-so-solicited advice about remaining together in our home as a family until the time is such that one of us should move forward in another relationship.
We have been given advice from the professional field as well as the not-so-professional field. It seems to be that the general OPINION is that we should not be residing together as this sending a CONFUSING message to our children because we are not in a NORMAL marriage relationship. Think about that for a minute… don’t burn your brain now thinking too hard. Hear me out.
Our home is situated in a very nice neighborhood where our girls play with their friends that they go to school with on a daily basis. The home is well over 3,000 square feet and has a master suite upstairs and downstairs. Not a bad deal. It its big enough to move around and small enough to know where our kids and the multiple other kids that are usually here as well. It’s a perfect set-up for co-parenting right now.
I wonder how CONFUSING it would be for our children to be downsized into a home less than half this size with no common friends and changing schools as well. I wonder how CONFUSING it would be to move the kids from home to home every week so that mom and dad could both have parenting time with them. I wonder how CONFUSING it would be to see their parents who still love each other and them deeply never share a meal, chores and swim-time together after a long hot day. it is all they have known for their entire lives? It’s not broken… why fix it.
I wonder how NORMAL it would be to go from home to home each week and how NORMAL it would be to be separated from their pets, favorite blanket and toys. I would argue that in spite of our personal desires, that we have gone to great lengths to keep this as NORMAL and NON-CONFUSING for them. It would be so much easier for us to split assets and bring confusion and abnormality into the lives of our very well-balanced kids.
Here is another word for you. REALITY. Reality is that life if full of confusing events. Reality is that life is full of abnormal people claiming to be NORMAL when they are simply fooling only themselves. (you know the type – you just said their name in your head… lol)
Reality is that there is no textbook answer for the unique situation that we are facing. We don’t fit the mold that society has made for us. So we have chosen to be trial blazers. We may not get it 100% right but we certainly are not getting it 100% wrong either. I ASSURE you and I speak from facts, there are literally thousands of families just like ours, but one spouse or the other will not “come out” because they are deathly afraid of loosing everything. So they continue to pretend. How normal and confusing is that??? It is easy to divorce and separate when you don’t like, love or simply despise the person that you are married to. That is not our situation. We love each other deeply and share a mutual respect for each other and our family unit.
Several people have visited us at our home since we are no longer married and have been absolutely amazed and how NORMAL our family unit is. Unfortunately our visitors have diminished greatly since we decided to “CONFUSE” our children and ourselves alike, but the visitors that we do have are almost jealous at our progress and attempt to NORMALIZE an otherwise CONFUSING situation. “They” used to say the same thing about interracial couples and that has proven to be FAULTY, FAULTY, FAULTY.
So for those professionals and not-so-professional, I ask you… What would be a better solution? What is so profoundly abnormal and confusing that we could do “better” as not to CONFUSE our children and cause them to be ABNORMAL? Please don’t answer that, it’s a rhetorical question. And no… I’m not gonna look up that word for you today. Two dictionary references is more than this back-wood-cajun can handle today.
Much love to those who have loved and supported us not in word but in action. It’s easy to say “we love you guys” but we never hear from or see you. Remember the simple song that says LOVE is a VERB. It means that action must take place. OUCH. Not being snarky… just real. Yes we have noticed you don’t comment on our Facebook posts, photos or my blog. (But I certainly know that you read it… your IP address is perfectly visible to me on my blog reports.) We notice that you don’t care to visit with us. We hear the things that you say to others but won’t say to us directly.